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| Our Wedding Day Ronete-Jenna Van Staden & Johann Van Staden 09 April 2016 |
This topic never really bugged me though as I had no
intention on submitting to any man, I respected my father’s authority as the
head of our house, and honored my parents.
I knew that one day my father would hand me over at the altar, to
another man who will love and cherish me.
It seemed so easy, I had it all figured out and I was going
to have the perfect marriage one day. Oh what a fool I was, because from the
day that my husband went down on his knees and asked for my hand in marriage,
this topic sprung to life in my head and would not rest.
If I am being honest, then part of me wanted to submit to
him, that very moment like a drive inside of me, like a force was pushing my
heart and mind to make the choice to submit, and then the worldly part of me
(the woman that refuses to let go of control, be the doormat, take orders from
any man) was holding me back with a leash!
So yes, after I said ‘yes’ to my husband, I knew that God
was not going to let this topic just lose its flame, but instead I knew that
God was going to be fanning the flames, so I might as well submit to God’s will
and at least looking into the topic right?
Without me realizing that I had just taken the first step in
submission to your husband, I submitted to God and started doing a little reach
on what submission was all about.
I first wanted to know what the means were for these words.
Submission means:
Noun – The action of accepting or yielding to a superior
force or to the will or authority of another person.
You see my point, ‘superior force’, I don’t like this word,
God is my superior and I should only have to submit to Him right? But let’s
have a look at this a bit deeper.
Synonyms: Yielding
Yielding means:
Adjective – Giving way under pressure; not hard or rigid.
OK this seems a little bit better right? Taking the word
submission and breaking away from the word control!
Adapt means:
Verb - Make (something) suitable for a new use or purpose;
modify.
OK now this one, I really like, who wouldn’t want to be
suitable for a new purpose and be used for God’s purpose?
That’s when God showed me that I had already taken the first
step to submitting to my husband, because for you to submit to your husband you
need to first submit to God, His Word, His Will.
In fact a lot of woman has completed this step; this is the
easy part, submitting to God. God is amazing that way; He first lets us
practice everything with Him, before he asks us to perform these things in our
lives. Think about it, God is forgiving, so when we slip He catches us and then
He forgives us and puts us back on our feet, but if you has to slip in your
marriage, well humans are not always forgiving, myself including and it ends up
in a fight or divorce. So what better way to practice, with God first and then
second step in your life.
So at this point I established that I have submitted to God,
but the second step is submitting to my husband, allowing him to the leader
that God meant in our marriage.
This was still the hard part, so I decided to pray about it
and push further into reach on the topic.
The Word of God, clearly states ‘wives submit to their
husbands’, so there is no doubt about what is God’s will in a marriage, even if
we wanted to not accept it, it is clear to understand we are wrong.
Wives submit to their husbands. (Ephesians 5:22, 1 Peter
3:1). When a woman’s submits to her husband she is submitting to God, this
doesn’t mean though that if a woman’s submits to her husband, her husband will
be loving. He also needs to make the choice to take up his role biblically and
be the leader of the house. God sees that if we as wives submit to our husbands
it is an act of worship.
(Wow OK this is where my eyes started opening. I can worship
God by just submitting to my husband?)
Woman should not submit because they believe that men
deserve it, woman should submit as it is pleasing to God.
So then I decided to see what would be the responsibility of
my husband, if I choose to submit to him.
The Word of God, clearly states that a husband should love
his wife as Christ loved the church. His
position as leader is biblical (1 Corinthians 11:3) and he is meant to lead his
wife in a self-sacrificing manner. (Ephesians 5:25)
It should not be concluded that a man is free to do anything
he chooses. Just as a woman needs to submit
to God and then to her husband, so must a man submit unto God, and to a certain
extent, the authority of the church (1 Corinthians 11:3, Matthew 18:15-17).
This is considered a service to the Lord.
Remember Christ died for the churches sins on the cross.
Jesus submitted to the will of His Father (Matthew 26:39). He submitted and
gave His life for us, so if Jesus submitted then why is it so hard for us to
accept the fact that each person should submit to God and then woman should
submit to their husbands and their husbands to take up the leadership role that
God intended in their marriage.
Submission is a choice, you can either choose to submit to
your husband or to God or you can choice not to. That is the difference from
being controlled or treated like a slave, as salves do not get the choice to
submit and listen, they are ordered to submit and listen.
The question I keep asking myself is that why is it hard to
submit to something good, the way God wanted to your husband but it isn’t hard
to submit to something bad, like habits and feelings. Why are woman now a days,
including me for a time, pushing back so hard at the idea of submitting which
actually should come natural by our nature?
This was also something that came to mind while I was
digging deeper into submission, Christians are to submit themselves to each
other (Ephesians 5:21), to government (Romans 13:1), and unto God (James 4:7).
There is nowhere in Scripture in which husbands command
their wives to submit. A wife chooses to
follow her husband’s leadership.
Submission should not be confused with a person being weak.
In actual fact someone that choices to submit, shows extreme strength. I know
that my will fought quite hard at the fact that I choice to submit to my
husband eventually. It was not easy lying done the worldly Ronete and
submitting full heartily to my husband.
In fact, to this day God still shows me every now and then
where I have not yet submitted to my husband and listened. I think that I am
now a great wife because I have now submitted to my husband, but oh no God
still shows me where I sometimes still take control and want to lead. So
submitting is not easy, and it is not a once in a life time thing, from my
experience it is something that I constantly have to think about and remember.
From the beginning of time, woman has tried to take
leadership from the man and man has often gladly given it away (Genesis
3). Genesis 3:16 refers to Eve’s new sin
drive to override her husband’s headship, which has continued down the line of
women.
It has been proven that women use many tactics to try taking
control of leadership, including nagging, deception, and manipulation. This always results in sin and often,
sorrowful consequences (Genesis 27). I am just as guilty for this.
So what does it mean when you submit, does it mean that you
can never make a decision again? No…in a healthy marriage, husband and wife
work as a team. However when a decision
cannot be jointly agreed upon between husband and wife, the leader (husband)
makes it, knowing he is responsible foremost unto God for that decision. So
technically, my husband then is my shield? He can make the tough choices and
then suffer the consequences as he is the leader and I am the submissive wife.
However, what should a wife do, should her husband no submit
to God, and he doesn’t believe in God. Should a wife then still submit? A woman
is not bound to submit to everything a husband desires. When a husband desires his wife to “go along”
with something that is unbiblical, she is bound to obey the Lord instead. (Acts
5:17-42).
So being a submissive wife is like being a good daughter.
You trust your father so when he says don’t do this, or we are going to the
doctor, you respect his authority and you stop what you are doing or go to the
doctor. As a child you don’t know why you had to stop what you were doing but
you knew that your father knew best and had a good reason. You knew you were
sick and went to the doctor but you didn’t have to pay out of your own pocket
as your father paid for the bill so you could get better.
This is how a wife should submit to her husband. Once my
father walked me doesn’t he aisle on my wedding day and placed my hand into my
husband’s hand, I knew that my father had handed over his authority over me to
my husband, and that my husband was now my leader and that I was supposed to
follow his leadership just the way that I had followed my father leadership all
these years.
So yes submitting is a very hard thing to do, however it is
also a very fulfilling adventure should you choice to submit to God and then to
your husband. The spiritual growth that comes from just this simple act is
outstanding.
That is why on the 9th April 2016, I submitted to my
husband, to his leadership, with my vows.
I choose to be submissive and allow him to grow as the leader of our
house. Even though I still make mistakes, I am reminded to work on this each
day.
The End...Or Is It?
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